How The Avengers Should Have Ended/Transcript
(HISHE titles play while over them Cap tells Thor to put his hammer away off screen.) Thor: (Angrily) YOU WANT ME TO PUT THE HAMMER DOWN?! (SMASH! Thor slams the hammer into the ground causing Iron Man to crash into a tree. Smoke then fills the screen and when it leaves it cuts to Iron Man, Cap, and Thor coughing.) Cap: Are we done here? (The camera changes to show them looking at Loki who is still watching on a hill.) Loki: Hello! Iron Man: You're still here? Loki: Yes! Thor: Why didn't you run away whilst we settled our differences? (changes to show them looking at Loki) Loki: I'll never tell! Muhuhahaha... Hmmhmmhmmhmm...Muhuhuhahaha...hahahahaha! Cap: Okay, we're not taking him back to base. He is DEFINITELY up to something! (Thor nods in agreement) Cue title and the Battle of New York Cap: (running) Whoa! Haha! Shield! Iron Man: (leaing Leviathans) Gentlemen, right this way! Hawkeye: (unintelligible as he sucessfully shoots a Chitauri without looking) (Hulk roars) Hulk and Thor fight on a Leviathan) Thor: Ha! Here comes the hammer! Black Widow: (fires gun at Chitauri) Pew pew pew! Cap: (tucks into a ball) Captainball! Thor: (on the antenna of the Chrysler Building) From whence it came! (camera focus back on the Helicarrier) Nick Fury: (pointing gun to unknown caller) Say "what" again! I dare you! I DOUBLE dare you! Black Widow: (stabs Chitauri soldier) Hulk: (Smashes Loki in Stark Tower) Puny god, puny god, puny god! Iron Man: (holding a giant missile) (grunts) Tank Missile! (aftermath of the Battle of New York) (Hulk pants) Iron Man: Hey you guys ever had shawarma? (music ends) (Cut to the Super Cafe) Superman: This place serves food?! Iron Man: Yeah, you guys never had shawarma either? Hulk: SHAWARMA! (hungrily devours shawarma) Cap: Why do I have to sit on Hulk's lap? Thor: Mmm Another! (smashes) Batman: (to Black Widow) Hey... I'm Batman. You wanna know my secret identity? Black Widow: ...why? Superman: (clears throat) So, you guys had quite a weekend. Cap: Heh, that's an understatement. Superman: First you guys were all against each other, then your buddy got killed, so you're suddenly friends... Hulk: Pffh! Someone die? Iron Man: Uh...yeah, you kinda missed out on that part. Black Widow: But luckily, you still wanted to be friends later. Hulk: Oh. Batman: Right, after you fell from the sky and conveniently learned to control your rage... Superman: And did you steal a motorcycle? Hulk: Um. Details not important... Superman: Details like Odin being able to send Thor back to Earth? Thor: What? Batman: Or the professor conveniently making a way to close the portal? That worked out well for you guys. Superman: Or the Chitauri all dying "Phantom Menace" style after the nuke? Batman: Yep. One convenient thing after another... Cap: Hmm, kind of like your utility belt! (Avengers laugh) Iron Man: You know what I think? I think you two are just jealous that we knocked it out of the park. (Avengers indistinctly cheering) Hawkeye: Sorry, guys... Batman: I'm not jealous. I'm Batman... Superman: I guess I would be jealous... if I wasn't, like, all of you combined. If I couldn't fly or shoot lasers or catch missiles and see really far, smash through buildings and wear red and blue... (money rustling) Iron Man: What's that? You're fading out... Cap: Whoa! We've broken too many records! Thor: We can't hear you through all of this box office money... (Avengers laugh) (Batman sighs) Hulk: Shawarma! The End (epic music plays) Hawkeye: Natasha? Do I have a mark on my face? It really hurts...right here. Not here... or here so much, but right here. ( close up of Hawkeye with a huge spot on his forehead) Black Widow: Nope. Ship shape. Cap: Hey guys, time to suit up...oh my GOSH, what happened to your face?! Hawkeye: I knew it... Category:Transcripts